Ernie:
Some of those junkies and winos from Broadway, they try to bed down in the lobby overnight.
Alex:
Encourage them, Ernie. The theater was meant for the common man.
David:
Wonderful! Broadway's favorite actor gets pneumonia! Oh, well, after those notices, I suppose I could use a cold shower.
[runs out with jacket over his head]
David:
Don't be depressed then, Alex! You've got worse things coming! Like marriage!
Alex:
It's essential they stay here, all of them. If even one of them walks out, it won't work.
Frank Heller:
It may not work anyway.
Alex:
You still think this is a mistake, don't you?
Frank Heller:
Like I said before, Mr. Dennison; this is your show. I'm just here to watch.
Karen:
Who's that?
Walter:
Tweedledum and Tweedledee. Bumped into each other outside.
Lloyd:
The difference is that Walter came in a limo and I had to take a bus.
Walter:
[referring to Alex] Ah, he's being mysterious. Well, it's the playwright's prerogative... and it's the producer's prerogative to have a sweet roll.
Karen:
You're being obsequious, Leo.
Leo:
Okay, I'll stop if you tell me what it means.
Alex:
Oh and by the way, it's something new for me; a mystery.
Walter:
Good. They do well.
Alex:
Unusual form, a mystery. You take the audience by the hand, and you lead them... in the wrong direction. They trust you, and you betray them! All in the name of surprise.
David:
[Referring to the format of a mystery] All those characters are cardboard. I like... I like roles with flesh and blood!
Alex:
I don't know about the flesh, David. But I can guarantee you the blood.
Lloyd:
What are you going for? What's the point of the scene?
Alex:
Well, the point, Lloyd, is that in a mystery, everyone must have a motive.
Walter:
Alex, we've known each other for a long time, so I'm entitled to be blunt. Why are we here?
Alex:
You know why, Walter. To read my new play.
Walter:
It's not a play. It's just a bunch of unrelated scenes, all of them uncomfortably close to the truth.
David:
The hell they are!
Alex:
Might as well get to the point. Well, it's really very simple. When we finish here, we'll know something we didn't know before.
David:
And what's that?
Alex:
Which one of you killed Monica Welles.
Walter:
The woman killed herself! Do you understand? Whether you want to believe it or not, she was depressed, and she jumped out of her bedroom window!
Alex:
How can you be so certain, Walter? Were you there?
Alex:
Permit me my element of surprise, Lloyd. In a mystery, the audience should never know what's coming next.
Lloyd:
He certainly raked you over the coals.
Walter:
Well, that makes two of us.
David:
Three.
Leo:
Great. Marvelous. Wonderful.
[to Karen]
Leo:
We're next!
Alex:
Surely you don't want to miss the ending.
Lloyd:
Now I get it. Don't you see what he's doing?
Leo:
Now that you mention it... no.
Walter:
Well, now what?
Alex:
Alibis, Walter.
Walter:
I was wondering when you would get around to that.
Alex:
I've established that you all had motives...
David:
Like hell we had.
Alex:
But motives are nullified by a legitimate alibi.
Walter:
We all said a lot of things. None of them were true.
Walter:
What are you talking about? Monica wasn't murdered. She committed suicide. And to suggest that one of us is involved...
Alex:
It isn't a suggestion; it's a statement of fact.
Karen:
They investigated, the police -
Alex:
The police were wrong.
Walter:
Alex! We all know you suffered a terrible loss. We understand your grief. But what you're doing here, it won't change anything. It won't bring her back.
Alex:
Then you've nothing to lose by indulging me.