The opening theme, "How Soon is Now" is a cover by Love Spit Love of a song by '80s British band The Smiths. It originally appeared in The Craft (1996), also about witches.
The house used for the exterior shots of the "Manor" is located at 1329 Carroll Ave in the Echo Park Section of Los Angeles.
In one episode, Belthazor says "I find your lack of faith disturbing." This is a quote from Star Wars (1977), originally said by Darth Vader.
Holly Marie Combs married an ex-Charmed key grip, David Dohono. They met on the set.
Holly Marie Combs's pregnancy in season six forced the writers and producers to change the story arc of the show.
In June 2001, Executive Producer, Aaron Spelling announced after several auditions and many considered actresses (including Jennifer Love Hewitt, Sarah Brown, Tiffani Thiessen, Soleil Moon Frye, Susan Ward and Eliza Dushku) that Rose McGowan had won the role of Paige Matthews, the long-lost, baby half-sister of Prue, Piper and Phoebe.
'Brian Krause' who plays Leo Wyatt, Julian McMahon who played Cole Turner, and Kerr Smith, who appeared in season seven as Agent Kyle Brody, have all auditioned for the role of Inspector Andy Trudeau, who was a character played by actor Ted King in season one.
Beginning with season seven, the Charmed set moved from its previously smaller Canoga Park, California studio lot to the more grand scale Paramount Studios lot.
Brian Krause was written off the show temporarily due to budget cuts.
Although he was only a regular in one season, Drew Fuller appeared in four seasons of Charmed.
The character Phoebe didn't own a car of her own until season five. Before then she either rode her bike, used public transport, or had to ask her sisters for transportation.
The Book of Shadows weighs 9 pounds, 6 ounces and is the most valuable thing on set.
The actress with the most Charmed Fan Mail is actually not one of the main stars of the show. Actress Finola Hughes who plays Prue, Piper, Phoebe and Paige's mother receives the most fan mail from Charmed series viewers.
The Book of Shadows is almost entirely hand-painted.
Alyssa Milano liked the drawings made for the Book of Shadows so much that she had the artist paint murals on her walls at home.
Until the appearance of Chris Perry in the fifth season finale episode "Oh My Goddess", the only male witches shown on the series have all been children.
During the first few seasons when Constance M. Burge was Executive Producer the series had more focus on the girl's sisterly ties and discovering their witchly heritage. That changed when the show's reigns were handed over to Producer Brad Kern and the focus shifted more to vampy outfits and consistent relationship issues.
During hiatus between seasons two and three, producers discussed possible storylines for season three. Executive Producer Brad Kern wanted to bring in a season long love interest for the Phoebe character who started out bad but becomes good. Fellow Executive Producer and show creator Constance M. Burge was against the idea as the character Piper already had a convoluted season long relationship storyline and she wanted to focus back to the sisterly dynamic of the show. After realizing that she wasn't going to win the debate, Burge left the series and full production reigns fell to Kern.
The make-up design for the demon Belthazor was based on the same make-up style used for the character of Darth Maul in Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace (1999).
The show's popularity inspired toy company SOTA Toys to create 6.5" action figures of the characters: Piper, Phoebe, Paige and Belthazor which come with interlocking attic walls and a miniature Book of Shadows. Originally an alternate toy of the Prue character was to be made, but actress Shannen Doherty declined to the offer to have her likeness made into a Charmed doll.
Phoebe's power of levitation was written out of the show because the special effects cost too much money.
In the first season, Prue is employed at an auction house called Bucklands. The Bucklands, Raymond and Rosemary, were considered to be the first people to bring the religion of Wicca to North America.
According to Aaron Spelling, the show was renewed for a full season of 22 episodes after only two episodes had aired.
"Vaya Con Leos" was Rose McGowan's 100th Episode
As of January 2006, this became the longest running TV-series with female leads on television.
Melinda:
How do you keep your legs warm?
Prue:
We drink coffee.
Piper:
I just wish I could get a live guy.
Phoebe:
I forgot your question.
Piper:
I asked if Prue was going to have sex with someone other than herself this year.
Phoebe:
That's disgusting. Please say yes.
Piper:
The only Halliwell that likes earthquakes.
Prue:
I don't like them, but I don't go running naked through the house screaming, "RUN FOR YOUR LIFE." either.
Phoebe:
Okay, that is such an exaggeration. I was wearing slippers.
Andy:
Everything happens for a reason, remember, you told me that, Prue.
Phoebe:
Go away horny tom cats.
Phoebe:
Come on, you don't think we'll be 60 and still living together, sharing clothes and a cat.
Piper:
Well now that you put it that way, no, I don't want to live with you anymore.
Piper:
Wait a sec. Last week we had no dad and now we have two?
Piper:
Yeah. Sure, why not? We could have another funeral tomorrow. I mean, all the dishes are out and we pretty much know who to invite.
Phoebe:
No. According to the Book Of Shadows, one of our ancestors was a witch, named Melinda Warren.
Piper:
And we have a cousin who's a drunk, an aunt who's manic, and a father who's invisible.
Piper:
Come on, Phoebe, trolls and fairies? You don't believe that stuff.
Phoebe:
Sure, why not?
Piper:
Well, maybe it's time we tell her about Santa.
Leo:
Piper, what are you doing?
Piper:
Getting irritated. Who put Lady Attitude in charge?
Leo:
She's not in charge.
Piper:
Really? 'Cause she's acting like it. I thought Whitelighters were supposed to guide, not dictate.
Piper:
So why is Sir Lust-A-Lot after you?
Paige:
How should I know?
Piper:
Well, because it's your damn fairy tale and it's alive and frozen in our kitchen.
Piper:
You know, if I could freeze the two of you, I would, often.
Leo:
Piper, this is completely illegal.
Piper:
Yeah? Well, so is marrying a dead guy, okay?
[She holds up his death certificate]
Piper:
Let's not get technical now.
Piper:
Darryl, I'm sorry, but what do you want me to say? My sister was just possessed with a supernaturally born killer and my husband is in 1994, and I do not mean in the fashion sense. He time traveled back with my other sister so the only one left to help me is you.
Piper:
I'm not pregnant. Trust me.
Prue:
Well, that's good news.
Phoebe:
Are you kidding? That's great news. You can live.
Prue:
I mean, well, you are a warlock magnet.
Piper:
Prue, it's me leaving you another message after leaving Phoebe another message. I tried you at work, but they said you never checked in after your shoot, so where are you guys?
[Piper sees the same guy as before standing at the other end of the bar]
Piper:
Uh, look, so call me, or better yet, just show up and save me from having to perform an impending awkward rejection all by myself.
Darryl:
Piper...
Piper:
Uh-huh.
Darryl:
You froze the crime scene.
Piper:
Uh-huh.
Darryl:
You cannot freeze a crime scene.
Piper:
Well, I did.
Piper:
You were at Cole's all night?
Phoebe:
Uh huh.
Piper:
Did you?
Phoebe:
Uh huh.
Piper:
Was he?
Phoebe:
Uh huh.
Charlene:
You were right about me. I went home, I saw the folks crying, then I knew it was true. I've never seen my dad cry before. Not over me anyway. Then I got pissed. The demon did this to me. I wanna prove he doesn't exist any more.
Piper:
Tell me the truth. Do you think I'm pushing it too far with the wedding?
Prue:
Okay, why is Phoebe going to school without her books?
Piper:
Okay, why is Prue not answering Piper's question?
Piper:
Hi, Phoebe. Need a diaper change?
Phoebe:
Haha, very funny. Look, we need you to come home right away by midnight or else...
Piper:
The tooth fairy's gonna come and harass us all for not flossing?
Prue:
Okay, how did you get this stuff so fast?
Piper:
Oh, I just let my fingers do the walking and the clicking and the... flipping.
Prue:
Flipping as in the pages of the Book of Shadows? You used magic?
Piper:
Well, yeah, I couldn't wait six to eight weeks for delivery.
Prue:
That is so personal gain.
Piper:
No, 'cause we need all of this stuff.
Darryl:
Oh, no creepy talk in the precinct. Will you just keep down the creepy talk.
Piper:
No, don't say that. We're not surrounded until they're all around of us.
Piper:
Don't act blonde.
Prue:
If he can kill thirteen unmarried witches before midnight, he'll be freed from the underworld to wreak his terror every single day.
Piper:
Unmarried? Like being single doesn't have enough problems.
Piper:
Leo, you're a nice guy, and I like you a lot, but let's face it, you're geographically undesirable.
Prue:
Great, so some guy couldn't keep it in his sheath and now I'm marked for death.
Piper:
Well, some men can be very sensitive about their weapons.
Phoebe:
I'll do what I should've done a while ago which is vanquish your sorry ass.
[confronting a demon]
Krell:
I'm Krell, a Xotar.
Prue:
I'm Prue, a Scorpio.
Phoebe:
I hope this doesn't mean we get our *virginity* back too.
Leo:
Piper, he's gonna kill me when he finds out.
Piper:
Don't be ridiculous, you're already dead.
Phoebe:
*Hey*! Don't call me sweetie! You can't imprison someone and then call them sweetie!
Paige:
Well, you wanted to live like us. Now you get to die like us.
Prue:
[after Natalie was unfrozen] Piper froze ya.
Natalie:
She what?
Prue:
[laughing] Yep.
Lazarus Demon:
Go to hell!
Piper:
I'm already there!
Leo:
Piper, are you mad at me?
Piper:
No, don't be ridiculous. Why would I be mad at you?
Leo:
I don't know, that's why I'm asking. What is it?
Piper:
It's just, um, Dan.
Leo:
Oh. Never mind, sorry I asked.
Piper:
Um, he's-he's going to be... He's going to be very upset when he finds out... you're the one that I really love.
Leo:
Yeah?
Piper:
Yeah.
[they kiss]
Piper:
I was just wondering, do you ever think of me?
Leo:
Yeah.
Piper:
In what way? As a friend sort of way...
Leo:
You have beautiful eyes.
Piper:
That's a good way.
Leo:
I'm sorry. That was completely inappropriate wasn't it?
Piper:
No, not at all. Oh, what the hell. Leo, how do you feel about women who make the first move?
Leo:
I don't know. I'm still waiting for it to happen.
Piper:
Goodness.
[she kisses him]
Leo:
Uh, how do you feel about guys who make the second move?
Piper:
Love them.
[he kisses her]
Leo Wyatt:
Look, Piper, no matter what happens...
Piper:
No...
Leo Wyatt:
You have to keep trying to make contact.
Piper:
I don't want him to hear it...
Leo Wyatt:
He's not after you, he's after me.
Piper:
Would you please stop trying to save me!
Leo Wyatt:
I'm sorry I got you into this.
Piper:
[crying] Yeah, just one ordeal after another, right?
Leo Wyatt:
I've never stopped loving you.
[her eyes welling up with tears, Piper's resistance finally melts and she leans in to kiss Leo]
Leo:
It's just this, this whole situation - you know, Sam, your mom, those letters. He loved her. Like I love you.
Piper:
Leo, we've been through this before. We both know how we feel, but there are things, people involved now.
Leo:
Can you tell Dan the truth, Piper?
Piper:
That's between him and me. You and I have a job to do and I thought we agreed to try and put that first.
Leo:
So did Sam and your mom. Look at the outcome.
Piper:
You're leaving, aren't you? For good this time.
Leo:
I don't know. But I do know we have to stop working together because I can't stop loving you... which means I can't do my job.
Piper:
And I can't do mine... I don't know how to say goodbye.
Leo:
Don't.
Paige:
Power. Power's good. I like power. Why do I like power?
Cole:
Phoebe, I love you. I don't know what's going on but maybe I can help. Would you like me to kill someone for you?
Barbas:
How cute. The great big elder's afraid of the teeny-weeny itsy-witsy baby.
Phoebe:
No time to dawdle, there's a baby on the way.
Leo:
This is crazy. You can't leave like this.
Paige:
We, very well can't ignore Chris's birth now can we?
Chris:
I'm the baby. I give you permission to.
Paige:
[walks in on Phoebe standing naked, standing up in the bathtub] Whoa... full frontal Phoebe!
Cole:
She flashed.
Paige:
Yeah... I - I got that.
Cole:
No, I mean she flashed black-and-white.
[Wyatt has shrunken Piper and Leo into a doll house size of the Manor]
Piper:
OK... let me handle Wyatt. This requires a mother's touch... Wyatt Matthew Halliwell! You stop this nonsense right now!
Piper:
Phoebe, how many times have I told you not to play dress-up with the demons?
Leo:
Phoebe, you cant be the Queen of the Underworld and a charmed one!
Prue:
By the looks of the clothes, I'd say we were in the early 1600s.
Phoebe:
Where the life expectancy of a witch is, oh, 15 seconds.
Piper:
I dreamt an animated musical last night. Is that normal?
Piper:
I didn't need a sign to tell me where my heart lies.
[smiles at Leo]
Prue:
At least I got to meet a really cute guy.
Piper:
You met a guy?
Prue:
Mm-hmm.
Piper:
As a dog?
Prue:
Mm-hmm.
Piper:
How?
Prue:
Well, he ran me over.
Phoebe:
28 minutes, 33 seconds.
[Piper looks at her]
Piper:
Really? We ran that long?
Phoebe:
No, that's how long you've been comparing Leo and Dan.
Piper:
I haven't been comparing - I've just been... talking.
Phoebe:
Non-stop.
Leo Wyatt:
Now that I'm a mortal, I'm going to fight for you and let the best man win.
Paige:
Is there something that we don't know... that we should know... you know?
Piper:
Leave it to me to fall for a dead guy!
Piper:
You don't really seem like yourself.
Paige:
I don't? Then, who am I?
Phoebe:
Piper.
Piper:
Don't you "Piper" me.
Head Dwarf:
When's her prince getting here?
Piper:
She doesn't have a prince.
Head Dwarf:
No prince? So then who's going to kiss her?
Stinky:
I'll do it.
Dwarf:
In your dreams stinky. I'll do it.
Stinky:
I told you not to call me that.
Head Dwarf:
People. A little professional decorum here please.
[to Piper]
Head Dwarf:
Forgive them, it's been a while.
Piper:
But aren't we, like, raising the dead? What if she's all...
Phoebe:
I read The Book of Shadows very carefully. She will come back as a real live person, flesh and blood. She will have her powers too. Our powers.
[picks up a knife]
Piper:
What's that for?
Phoebe:
Well, the spell works by blood calling blood, so it shouldn't hurt... much.
[Phoebe cuts her finger with the knife]
Phoebe:
I lied, I lied. Okay, come on guys. It'll be just like the summer by the lake. Remember when we made a oath blood to be friends forever, not just sisters?
Piper:
I remember my finger got infected
Prue:
[Prue takes the knife off of Phoebe and stabs her finger] Ow. Yeah, but the oath worked.
[Prue hands the knife to piper]
Piper:
And I couldn't go in the water for three weeks. Don't hand me that knife.
Prue:
How are you gonna cut yourself?
Piper:
I'm not.
Phoebe:
Piper...
Piper:
I can't stand the sight of blood.
Prue:
Evil beings have blown up in our attic...
Phoebe:
Disintegrated to dust right before our very eyes...
Prue:
And you're afraid of a little drop of blood?
Piper:
Fine, just cut my finger.
[holds out her hand to Phoebe]
Piper:
[Piper covers her eyes and Phoebe stabs the knife in her finger] Ow!
Paige:
So how exactly do I bless this thing?
Phoebe:
With your blood. Come on.
[takes Paige into the dining room and holds up a needle]
Phoebe:
This'll just hurt a little.
Piper:
Oh, you know what? She's getting angry. And our powers don't work so good when we're angry.
Mitzy Stillman:
We've got them now.
Piper:
Yeah, you've got us now so why don't you blow us up?
Phoebe:
Piper, death bad, life good.
Paige:
Don't worry, this bimbo couldn't hit the broadside of a beauty parlour. Check out that dye job.
[the blonde sisters gasp]
Mabel Stillman:
How dare you!
[Mabel blows up the doors]
Piper:
Run!
Witch Doctor:
You sure these are good witches that live here?
Leo:
The best. Although one of them is going to go very evil on us if we don't get this room cleaned up in a hurry. Believe me.
Witch Doctor:
Is that a fact?
Leo:
Well, not literally.
[Phoebe was just turned into a pumpkin. Adam walks over to the pumpkin and picks it up. He raises it above his head. Cole walks out]
Cole:
Put it down. Gently.
Adam:
I can't. The witch'll kill me.
Cole:
So will I. You don't wanna hurt her.
[Adam throws the pumpkin and Cole freezes it. He walks over and picks it up]
Cole:
Oh, what am I gonna do with you?
[he unfreezes Adam and punches him in the face]
Cole:
Keep your hands off my pumpkin!
Phoebe:
[singing] Oh, I'm making soup for Cole, he'll eat it in a bowl, I guess that's my new role, making soup for Cole.
Darryl:
Okay, where is this baby that everybody keeps talking about? Is it an invisible baby? Am I gonna step on it?
Phoebe:
Where's Buffy when you need her?
Cole:
You've got to hold my hand.
Prue:
This already sucks.
Prue:
Innocents and alleys, don't they ever learn?
Prue:
I'm gonna win this fight and save your ass, that way I can kick it myself later.
Eames:
Did I miss all the fun? No, wait I am the fun
Prue:
Oh, I think someone needs a time out little missy.
Phoebe:
Why couldn't you get a boy-band song stuck in your head like everyone else?
Phoebe:
We thought that the good guys were bad guys, in trying to vanquish them we helped the real bad guys, which were dead ringers for the good guys
Leo:
Was that English?
Inspector Reece Davidson:
And you are?
Phoebe:
Phoebe.
Inspector Reece Davidson:
Is that like a Cher, or a Madonna, or do you have a last name?
Krell:
Just the thought of working with you turns my stomachs
Piper:
Stomachs?
Piper:
It was all of those women showing off their sonogram pictures, and it was just working on my last nerve. Like, "Look, it's Jasper's first photo. And it's going to go on the fridge in a magnetic frame that says 'Jasper's First Photo'."
Leo:
Okay, I thought prenatal yoga was supposed to help you relax.
Prue:
Are you a good witch or a bad witch?
Piper:
I'm going to be a very good witch from now on.
Prue:
By the look of the clothes I'd say we were in the early 1700's.
Phoebe:
Where the life expectancy of a witch is, oh, 15 seconds.
Darryl:
First demons I have seen actually, apart from the blonde with the funky snake tongue thingy.
Eva:
Oh, you've made that clock so small, you must posses great powers.
Piper:
No, just a great credit card.
Prue:
Stairs can be sobering
Phoebe:
You have really got to lay off the rhyming, Prue
Cole:
Why would I ever not want to talk to you?
Phoebe:
I don't know, you know, just in case you thought I was a drunk or a lunatic, or a drunk lunatic.
Prue:
I hate to be the detail police.
Leo:
I hate to be a bearer of bad news.
Piper:
Could you possibly be the bearer of a big hug?
Phoebe:
If I had a dollar for every times an owl turned into a hot guy on our porch, I'd be rich...
Piper:
We have to find a way of hiding the rutabaga.
Prue:
The rutabaga?
Piper:
It's code word for the thing we're not supposed to talk about.
Prue:
Oh, the rutabaga.
Piper:
I swear to god I have seen this in a movie somewhere.
Phoebe:
Wanna take a wiccan time out and do the crossword puzzle?
Phoebe:
I curse you, you curse me, let's get together and do a little cursing.
Phoebe:
Anyone got a vanquish in their pocket
Phoebe:
We could sure use some cosmic help right about now.
Piper:
You were telling yourself how much you love you?
Leo:
I've thought this through
Piper:
Is that why you asked me to marry you in a toilet?
Piper:
I'm being stalked by psycho killers and I hide in the shower.
Paige:
I like an element of danger.
Paige:
You used to be a demon *and* a lawyer?
Cole:
Yeah.
Paige:
Insert joke here.
Genie:
Plus, that and they'll kill me.
Piper:
They're going to have to wait in line.
Dragon Warlock:
And where the hell did you come from?
Genie:
Oh, no, no. That's where *you* came from.
Piper:
We went, we saw, we didn't quite conquer.
Phoebe:
I think I found the demon. Oh my god...
Paige:
What? You can't say "demons" followed by "oh my god" - I'm new at this, I'm likely to panic.
Demon Of Illusion:
Silly Witches. Tricks Are For Kids.
Prue:
They have secrets, too.
Piper:
Well unless they're transvestite Nazi war criminals with really good face-lifts, ours beats theirs.
Phoebe:
Got milk? Oooh, don't think so.
Piper:
You better run while you can, you little rodents.
[She stands up and looks up at the sky]
Piper:
I bet you guys think this is real funny don't ya? Haven't you taken enough from me? You have to send trolls to kick me while I'm down. I had a nice normal life once and you took that from me. You took my boyfriend, you took my life, the least you could do is leave me my freakin' car keys. I am a good person, I am a good witch and damn it I would've made a great wife. And how dare you take that from me. I deserve... no, you know what? I demand that you send him back to me. You hear me? Right now. I am going to stand in this very spot until you send Leo back to me.
Piper:
I'll play the bitch, you play the witch, ok?
Piper:
I'm gonna be happy when I vanquish your sorry ass.
[a spell that allows a witch to hear the thoughts of others has backfired, causing the sisters to hear each other's thoughts, too]
Piper:
Yeah, next time get your own damn lipstick.
Prue:
I heard that.
Piper:
I love you.
Prue:
Bite me.
Piper:
Phoebe's pregnant.
Leo:
What, huh, really?
Phoebe:
Can you do anything about this thunder? 'Cause it's making me nuts.
The Seer:
I have no sway over the weather. I do have a friend who works with the wind, but she's out of town.
Cole:
Don't you think you're being a little paranoid?
Phoebe:
With my demon ex-husband from hell?
Grams:
Piper blew up the wolf from inside. Although it took her long enough.
Piper:
Hey, back off Grams, I just saved your ass.
Piper:
Hey, I have a great idea. Why don't I make a fabulous reunion dinner.
Prue:
I'm not hungry.
Phoebe:
I ate on the bus.
Piper:
Okay, we'll try the group hug later.
Piper:
Vanquish demon first, kill husband later.
Paige:
What just happened?
Piper:
The freaking furniture just attacked us.
Leo:
Give daddy back his powers now.
Piper:
Kiss this bitch.
Genie:
Look, uh, you're probably a little bit upset, huh?
Piper:
No, I've moved past upset and straight to pissed off.
Leo:
...plus ours will be doubly magical - half Whitelighter. Half witch.
Paige:
Hey, that's like me. Oh. You might have some problems.
Phoebe:
Notice anything different about me?
[Paige looks at her oddly]
Piper:
Engagement ring. Notice it or wear coffee.
Phoebe:
Who's Natalie?
Piper:
She's a...
Leo:
Fellow whitelighter. See I finished your sentence.
Piper:
Hmm. That's not what I was gonna say.
Piper:
So let me get this straight. You summoned me to a cage where our powers don't work so, what, we could all die together?
Paige:
I'll admit the plan has a few flaws.
Phoebe:
Will your friends be staying for dinner?
Cole:
I'm going to have a hard enough time convincing them to stay 'til the end of the meeting if you don't stop threatening to kill them.
Piper:
Oh, no, don't tell me we got infected with the sin thingy.
Leo:
Hey, you want to freeze me in bed for your own personal pleasure, that is fine, but freezing Natalie is not gonna make her or the Elders happy.
[Prue has been transformed into a dog]
Piper:
She's such a pretty dog.
Phoebe:
What else did you expect?
Leo:
A Doberman.
Prue:
Grrrrr...
[Piper's morning sickness is causing her to burp small orbs of white light]
Paige:
[to Leo] Okay, is that normal?
Leo:
All this arguing is probably just upsetting the baby.
Piper:
[indicating size with her hands] Leo, the baby is an inch long. All this arguing is upsetting the mommy.
Phoebe:
This costume happens to be a protest statement.
Prue:
I am so impressed that you can make a protest statement and show cleavage all at the same time.
Phoebe:
Thanks.
Piper:
I think my half whitelighter baby thought fireworks would be prettier than demon guts.
Cole:
You're pregnant?
Piper:
I was, but now I think Leo is.
Cole:
[the Charmed ones are being inspired by a muse] I think Leo should orb me down to the Underworld. I may not be a demon anymore, but I still know the terrain.
Phoebe:
And you may just find yourself in ever-lasting pain!
Paige:
...That was a rhyme.
Phoebe:
I know; and now is not the time.
Cole:
[Cole and Leo went to the Underworld without telling the Charmed ones] Ok, I know you're angry, but before you say anything, we found out that the faction is led by a Warlock named Devlin.
Phoebe:
Hmmm... he looked more like a Joe to me.
Piper:
Where the hell is Leo, it's been five hours and he hasn't responded to any of my calls.
Chris Perry:
I really don't know
Piper:
Well I really think you do know
Chris Perry:
Well maybe I do, and if I'm right, Leo's gonna need some major alone time
Piper:
You know what? Cut the cryptic crap. I want you to go up there and bring Leo back now.
Chris Perry:
Fine. But if I was you I would focus on finding a way to unfreeze Paige 'cause you're gonna need her... soon
Piper:
I swear to God if he does not bring Leo back I am gonna blow his ass back to the future orbs and all.
Pheobe:
Okay, Piper maybe it would be better if you go downstairs and spend some time with Wyatt... you're not breathing are you?
Piper:
Nope
Pheobe:
Breathe, inhale, exhale, okay next sister.
Drake Robin:
[referring to troll in classroom] Ah... you do not want to go in there.
Phoebe:
Drake? Are you okay?
Drake Robin:
Drake? Who's Drake? I'm Robin Hood... of Nottingham.
Dr. Griffiths:
What are you?
Shax:
The end.
Piper:
Who would shoot a gnome? And why is the 'g' silent?
Phoebe:
Lawyers! There should be a place in Hell for each and every one of them!
Piper:
Why didn't you save her?
Leo:
I tried.
Piper:
But you didn't. Why didn't they let you save her, too?
Leo:
The Elders? They couldn't. They don't have that kind of power.
Piper:
Then what the hell good are they?
[Piper stands up and walks away from Leo and finds a tissue, Leo follows]
Leo:
It's okay to be angry.
Piper:
I'm not angry. I am pissed off! Don't you understand? You healed the wrong sister! You saved me because I'm your damn wife, and you should've saved her because she was the best! Because she, you should.
[She loses it again, overcome. Leo moves up behind her and this time, she lets him hold her]
Piper:
Why do they put us through so much for it to end this way?
Wyatt Halliwell:
Is this Chris? He's so small! Is this before or after he swallowed that marble?
Leo:
Hey, I'm not nauseous.
Piper:
Hey, I am. Wait, that's not good news.
Cole:
Did you get my flowers?
Phoebe:
Yeah. "Sorry I tried to strangle you" Probably not a card the florist gets to write everyday.
Leo:
It's your love that keeps me sane and whole and balanced
Leo:
You know, you're a pretty good whitelighter.
Paige:
Well, I learned from the best.
Leo:
Piper, through all the tears and struggles, I always knew in my heart that we'd make it here. I promise to love and respect you from this point forward as your husband, as my wife, my lover, my friend, and my soul mate. All I am is yours.
Paige:
Well, I was sort of messing around with Dave...
Piper:
Messing around?
Paige:
Yeah, having sex.
Piper:
Oh.
Paige:
See, that's why I don't want to talk to you about this. It's weird talking to a pregnant lady about sex anyway.
Piper:
Well, Paige, how do you think I got pregnant?
Paige:
Ugh, I don't want to know that either.
Piper:
You know, I don't wanna be one of those old married lepers that nobody thinks is fun anymore.
Prue:
You've never been fun, Piper.
Piper:
I've always been fun, Prue. I am just Mrs. Fun now.
Prue:
Oh, Mrs. Fun.
Leo:
P3's still doing great.
Piper:
Not as great as it used to be, thanks to me.
Leo:
Well, Piper, you're having a baby. Your priorities have changed.
Piper:
Yeah, well, haven't you heard? Women can have careers and babies now. It's been in all the papers.
Leo:
Well, are those women trying to save the world from demons too?
Piper:
Leo, you are the best thing that has ever happened to me. I was afraid that you were too good to be true, that maybe I didn't deserve someone so pure and beautiful and loving as you are. But here we are surrounded by the people that I love the most and I feel so proud, and so blessed to be your wife. Leo, I was born to love you and I always will.
Piper:
If you ask me, I think you're being paranoid. We kicked Shax's ass. We bad.
Paige:
Do you think you could shift the gears? My boobs are in the way.
Phoebe:
Ready to kick some ass... sis?
Piper:
That can't be right. How many swizzle sticks?
Leo:
[staring at her legs] Who's counting?
Prue:
I mean, how come we can't fight the demon of cleanliness or the demon of housekeeping, or even that really big bald guy, Mr. Clean? I would so totally take him on.
Piper:
You got anything that would go with combat boots? You know, for the mommy-to-be who kicks some ass on occasion.
Phoebe:
I can't believe you guys didn't notice my billboards downtown.
Piper:
Oh, honey, of course we noticed. You can see them from a passing 747.
Craig:
Who are you?
Paige:
Witch.
Leo:
Angel.
Phoebe:
Mermaid.
Darryl:
[in the midst of being shot at] This is the last time I come to this place for lunch.
Phoebe:
Good people do not turn other people into water coolers.
Leo:
Why am I standing in the ocean?
Piper:
Phoebe's a mermaid.
Leo:
Oh, well, that would explain it.
Piper:
[to Paige] Geez, you're like my husband with boobs.
Leo:
Because nobody knows where it is. Its location has been kept secret even from the Elders.
Paige:
Where was their infinite wisdom on the day that was decided?
Piper:
Every other mother-to-be does not have to worry about her child orbing to Tahiti when they are sent to their room.
Piper:
Oh, please, please, somebody help me. The mean demon is dipping me into the water and it's really cold.
Piper:
Leo, I have growing powers inside of me. Powers that I don't understand, and the only person who does understand them never has time to talk. Add that to raging hormones and I guarantee you I am absolutely entitled to do the 'crying thing'.
Grams:
Have you been exercising your powers daily?
Piper:
Do I need to?
Grams:
Well, you know, if you don't want to lose control of them. Did you perform a ritual to promote growth?
[Piper and Leo look sheepish]
Grams:
Did you cast a spell to ward off demonic parasites?
[Piper and Leo continue to look ashamed]
Grams:
Sweetheart, what did you do?
Leo:
We built a nursery in our bedroom closet.
Grams:
No wonder this baby summoned me.
Piper:
So what do you say to an overbearing younger sister who's treating her pregnant older sister like a porcelain doll?
Phoebe:
"Thank you"?
Piper:
How about "Knock it off"?
Phoebe:
That's probably better advice.
Phoebe:
[about Leo's spell] "We harken ye"? What are we trying to summon a leprechaun here?
Leo:
[referring to Paige's scant attire] Uh, Paige, where did you orb in from?
Paige:
I was dealing with some personal issues.
Leo:
Well, I'm your whitelighter so if you ever want to talk...
Paige, Piper:
No.
Leo:
Yeah, that little elf? Got a big mouth.
Leo:
Ladies, death cannot be feared. For death, in time, comes to all witches. You know, the witch who says she's not scared in battle is a liar. The real witch is the one who fights.
Piper:
Honey?
Leo:
Yeah?
Piper:
Zip it.
Phoebe:
[about Paige] Dead? What do you mean she's dead?
Leo:
Don't worry. The dwarves are all over it.
Phoebe:
The dwarves?
Leo:
Piper cast a spell that wound up summoning the descendents of the seven dwarves. Actually, they prefer to be called little people now.
Piper:
Wow, prenatal yoga this morning and now you want to crash a stranger's funeral? You really do need friends.
Paige:
You're mean.
Leo:
As your whitelighter, I'd say go with your instincts.
Paige:
Okay.
Leo:
But as your brother-in-law, going up against your sisters would be pure suicide.
Paige:
Great. You've really helped clarify this issue.
Paige:
All of them had their eyes gouged out.
Piper:
Ew.
Leo:
Now the video doesn't seem so gruesome.
Piper:
Ha. Speak for yourself.
[Piper walks into the living room to see Phoebe and Paige wearing beauty masks]
Piper:
Ah.
Phoebe:
What?
Piper:
Oh, my God. You two could scare the hair off a cat. No demons dare drop by here.
[Morris extends his arm to touch Piper's belly]
Darryl:
Hey, if you ask me, there's nothing more beautiful than a preg...
Piper:
Do it, and you'll pull back a bloody stub.
[Morris retracts his arm]
Paige:
She's a little sensitive right now.
Darryl:
I can see that.
Paige:
So I basically come off as this big, dumb, fat, unemployed loser.
Piper:
No, Paige, you're a big, dumb, fat, unemployed loser who saves the world.
Paige:
We are not slobs.
Piper:
Oh, really? How come I spent all night cleaning potion stains off of the ceiling?
Paige:
That's gazpacho, not potion.
Piper:
Well, you know what? Blenders have lids.
Paige:
Oh, gross. What are you guys watching? Is that some horror movie?
Piper:
No, it's The Joys of Home Birthing. Strangely I'm not feeling the joy.
Paige:
Oh, the Elders don't know anything. What a shock.
Leo:
How about I buy you a drink?
Dave:
Thanks. I've all ready got one.
Leo:
That's not gonna be enough.
Phoebe:
Okay, something really freaky happened last night when I was with Miles.
Piper:
You guys are all ready getting freaky?
Piper:
Apparently the baby here prefers Mommy to be indestructible.
Piper:
You knew about this supernatural Jenny Jones reunion, didn't you?
Piper:
So your new-and-improved premonitions are just a more vivid way of telling us we're screwed?
Phoebe:
I mean, you're not even showing yet... except for your boobies.
Piper:
I'm telling you, they are large and they are definitely in charge.
Piper:
Everyone's treating me so differently. I'm still me. There's just a whole lot more of me going on.
[Paige walks into the attic]
Paige:
Hey, guys. Oh, I'm sorry. Were you ranting?
Piper:
Yes, I was, but I'm done now. Thank you.
Piper:
I didn't have to resort to maternity clothes. Everything is so bright and cheery and ruffly.
Paige:
I can understand wanting to take a break from guys but, come on... she's gonna run out the batteries.
Piper:
Aw, Paige.
Paige:
What?
[Paige's cell phone rings]
Paige:
Hello? Oh, hey, Phoebe. We were just talking about you.
Piper:
And your batteries.
Piper:
I've come to the conclusion that if you've got it, then you must flaunt it.
[Lifts her shirt a little to show her pregnant tummy]
Phoebe:
That's my niece in that belly.
Paige:
She's my niece, too.
Phoebe:
Hi, niece. It's your favorite aunt, Phoebe.
Leo:
So, does Phoebe work here too?
Piper:
Phoebe? Work here? No, no... She's too busy with her gay and lesbian meetings.
Piper:
I can't believe we got arrested for kidnapping ourselves.
Prue:
It should make for a pretty interesting defense.
Piper:
You think this is funny? Not only are we stuck in jail, we're stuck in the past.
Prue:
Yes, I know, Piper. I've been following.
Piper:
You were all over him with your breasts all... whatever...
Phoebe:
I didn't even have breasts back then.
Piper:
Phoebe, you've always had breasts.
Phoebe:
Prue was right, which means I'm dating a warlock.
Piper:
Been there, done that.
Phoebe:
AT&T, Power of Three.
Phoebe:
No I can still cast spells and do the power of three thing. Whatever the problem is it seems more natural than supernatural.
Leo:
Phoebe why didn't you come to me, I'm your Whitelighter.
Phoebe:
Because you've been busy.
Leo:
I've been busy?
Phoebe:
Well I've been busy. My work schedule has been really hectic. But I'm coming to you guys now.
Leo:
Ok you guys yell at her, and I'm gonna check with the Elders and see what they know.
Phoebe:
Whoa, whoa, whoa. You, Leo, last night, dish.
Piper:
Um, well, it was nice. It was... well, it was wonderful. We just had a few problems.
Phoebe:
Problems?
Prue:
What problems?
Piper:
Well, it's been a while since, you know, I-I was a little nervous, and I kinda kept freezing him.
Prue:
Piper, you didn't?
Piper:
I didn't mean to... the first time.
Phoebe:
I mean, between you and Leo, and Prue, the new Hot Wicca Woman, and me, soon to be employed, things are looking up.
Piper:
Don't say that. The moment someone says that, everything always goes south.
Phoebe:
Unless you freeze him. Oh, I couldn't help it. It was so good.
Prue:
Okay, okay, come on, we're going, you're going to borrow the car.
[Leo comes down the stairs]
Leo:
Good morning.
Phoebe:
Yeah, we heard.
Prue:
So, witches forever?
Phoebe:
And damn proud of it.
Inspector Rodriguez:
Prue Halliwell... is a witch.
Andy:
A witch, huh? You wait here, I'll go warn the Wizard of Oz.
[Piper and Leo are down behind the bar. Piper giggles. Piper's cell phone rings and she pops up, out of breath to answer it]
Piper:
Hello?
Phoebe:
Hey, did you make the potion?
Piper:
Potion? P-P-Paige is making the potion.
[Leo pops up beside Piper and starts kissing her neck]
Piper:
And I have ten glorious minutes then I have to have my herbs.
Phoebe:
Great, because I need your help fast. Karen's gonna get fired unless we get her advice column in by 8:00 tonight.
Piper:
Uh-huh.
Phoebe:
So what would tell a twenty-eight year old woman who's still living in her parents house because she's afraid of living alone?
Piper:
I'd tell her to get a life.
Phoebe:
How can I write that? We fight demons every day. How can I tell her that there's nothing to be afraid of, you know? (Piper makes a noise as Leo disappears behind the bar again, smiling.) What are you doing, Piper?
Piper:
I am taking my own advice.
Phoebe:
Eww.
Piper:
Are you out of your mind, AGAIN?
Paige:
I can't believe I destroyed the house.
Phoebe:
What I can't believe is what you almost saw in the hotel room. If you had gotten there five minutes earlier...
Piper:
Lalala. Over sharing.
[Prue has just changed back from being a dog. Piper is scratching Prue's head]
Prue:
What are you doing?
Piper:
I think you've got fleas.
Prue:
You know what? That's so not funny because I think I do.
Phoebe:
I don't get it. If our ancient compilation of spells, witchcraft and rituals can't help us, what makes you think Martha Stewart can?
Prue:
Yeah, well, rules are meant to be broken.
Phoebe:
Yeah, but bodies weren't.
Piper:
And neither were hearts.
Grams:
You need guidance, some advice on a certain sister situation. Am I getting warm?
Phoebe:
Red hot. But wait a minute, if you know, that means that they know, and if they know then we are f...
Grams:
Fine.
Paige:
[speaking to Piper in an alternate reality] And you, you're not La Femme Nikita, you're a Charmed One. Yeah, you don't mind kicking ass when you have to, but otherwise you'd rather be hanging out with your sisters, baking cookies, or knitting booties.
Piper:
Knitting booties? Clearly you don't know me at all.
Leo:
Damn it, Paige. I would appreciate it if you didn't practice on me. I may be dead, but it still hurts.
Paige:
Well guys, we better come up with a plan, because Lord Dyson is out there, getting stronger as we speak.
Phoebe:
Thanks to Piper...
Piper:
ALLRIGHT!
Leo:
[after Paige tests a vanquishing potion on him] Damn it, Paige! I may be dead, but it still hurts!
Paige:
We're preparing for the big home birth.
Piper:
Home birth? You're nuts. I'd never agree to that. I wouldn't give birth unless it was in...
Paige:
A hospital. Yeah, yeah, you keep saying the same thing in any reality.
Paige:
[about Cole] I'm telling you, he's gone for good.
Phoebe:
Yeah... that's what we thought last time.
Piper:
And the time before that.
Piper:
Mm-hmm. Your destiny still awaits, she says. There's a reason for everything she says. So, now it's time to summon her transparent butt back and ask exactly what that reason is.
Phoebe:
What about water birth? Can we do that at home?
Eve:
Sure, we can rent a tub.
Piper:
What am I a dolphin? I'm not giving birth to fish.
Leo:
Well, actually, dolphins aren't fish. They're mammals.
Piper:
Shut up.
Phoebe:
What's the celebration?
Paige:
I'm just so happy to be home, that's all.
Piper:
You wanted to move out.
Paige:
I did? God, no. Never. Well, I mean, you know, maybe when I'm married or pregnant or... hopefully both at the same time. We're sisters. We shouldn't split up until we absolutely have to. You know that, right?
Piper:
She's rambling.
Phoebe:
I hear that.
Inspector Rodriguez:
Bottom line, I know my partner was killed by a supernatural being and I think Prue Halliwell can help me figure out who did it.
Andy:
Really? Well, I'll just get the commissioner to signal Batman and then I'll get right on it.
[a witch doctor has put a hex on Piper, Paige and Phoebe; causing their character flaws to become obsessions]
Phoebe:
What are those?
Piper:
Slipcovers. To keep the furniture clean. Although I've come to the conclusion we should probably just stand from now on.
Leo:
Witch doctors are kind of a wild card. That's why the elders don't want us working with them.
Piper:
Well, sometimes we don't want to work with the elders. So we're even.
[Witch doctor appears dressed in a suit]
Witch Doctor:
How may I be of service?
Paige:
Are you a witch doctor?
Witch Doctor:
Let me guess. You were expecting someone with a bone through the nose and shrunken head necklace, perhaps?
Phoebe:
Yeah, actually. Yeah. Yeah.
[Paige nods in agreement]
Piper:
Look, if there's anything I've learned from all this it's that I've got to learn to deal with messes. Especially with the baby coming, 'cause I hear they come with a lot of messes.
Paige:
I've heard some things about that, too. Yeah.
Paige:
How do you like my outfit?
Piper:
You look like you're not going to help clean up.
Paige:
You've got that right. I'm gonna go meet Glen. And besides, isn't everything just gonna get messed up again anyway?
Piper:
Bite your tongue.
Leo:
Piper, I need you to help me find Paige.
Piper:
I'm not talking to her until she cleans up her room.
Paige:
He met some bimbette while climbing the Matterhorn.
Piper:
At Disneyland?
Paige:
No, Switzerland.
Witch Doctor:
It's only a matter of time before they destroy themselves.
Paige:
Talk about premature jubilation. You, gentlemen might want to see a doctor about that.
Leo:
The spell, Piper, you need to reverse it. Fast.
Piper:
I'm not sure I can.
Paige:
Then you'd better make us disappear 'cause this one's gonna be tough to explain.
Phoebe:
[about possessed shoes] Cole, these boots may be made for walkin, but they're NEVER walkin' back to you buddy.
Piper:
Where's my baby?
Leo:
Over here.
[Leo stands up to reveal that he's now seven months pregnant]
Paige:
Oh, my God.
Piper:
Oh, my God.
[Leo sees Ryder trying to nuzzle his wife's neck]
Leo:
Oh, my God!
[Phoebe screams in the attic]
Slappy:
Oh, that doesn't sound good.
Paige:
[about the Sandman] I can't believe that they exist... not that I should be surprised.
Paige:
Besides, everyone is odd in San Francisco. That's why we fit in so well.
Piper:
I mean, why would a demon be interested in killing people's dreams? They're harmless, erotic fun.
Paige:
Did you say 'erotic'?
Piper:
Exotic. I said exotic.
Piper:
Cole, if you don't get me the hell outta here right now...
Cole:
You're the one that didn't want me to go easy on you.
Piper:
Doesn't mean I wanted you to. Now get me out the damned wall.
Paige:
If you want to talk to Piper, she's in the room throwing up.
Phoebe:
What, is she sick?
Paige:
She's pregnant Phoebe, sickness is their way of life.
Piper:
So what you're saying is, that whatever you're keeping from me is enough to piss me off but not put me in any danger. At the moment.
Phoebe:
Go to hell.
Cole:
We're already here.
Leo:
Did you find out anything?
Phoebe:
Besides having a twenty-four hour death wish? Nope.
Cole:
I'm goin' straight to hell cause it's got to be a sin to look THIS good.
Piper:
Life isn't a garden so stop being a hoe.
Piper:
Be careful of the feet you step on, they may be connected to the boot that kicks your ass.
Phoebe:
I need your help.
Cole:
You've obviously mistaken me for someone who gives a damn.
Phoebe:
Okay, Piper. As much as we would love to hear about your man problems, we have a possible demon to vanquish.
Piper:
How about next time I just freeze your head and then maybe I could kick you in the...
Prue:
Ok.
Piper:
Yeah, like that doesn't have personal gain tattooed across its forehead.
Leo:
Ok, ok, ok, just relax.
Piper:
That's what I was trying to do and then somebody made me blow up my guru.
Piper:
Phoebe, you're overreacting. That's my department.
[to Phoebe]
Piper:
Demons now, drooling later.
Phoebe:
Honey, why did you vanquish watermelon?
Piper:
I didn't vanquish watermelon. I threw it up in the air and I tried to freeze it and it exploded.
[after Piper destroys a watermelon in the kitchen]
Phoebe:
Oh sweetie, honey why did you vanquish watermelon?
Piper:
[crying] I didn't vanquish watermelon.
Piper:
Leo, you obviously don't have sisters. One minute you're arguing about something and then suddenly you're arguing about who stole who's Malibu Barbie in 1979.
Prue:
Pig's feet.
Piper:
Yuck...
Prue:
Yuck?
Piper:
Yuck...
Prue:
So you can slice off a chunk of demon flesh but you can't touch a pig's foot?
Piper:
I'm a vegetarian.
Prue:
Since when?
Piper:
Since now...
[Cooking pot bursts into flames]
Prue:
Ooh...
Piper:
Poor piggy.
Piper:
Just feelings mostly. Good ones. Peaceful and whole and then it all went to crap when they said Leo and I had to stop seeing each other or else.
Leo:
Where's Melody?
Paige:
Oh, she's gone.
Leo:
Gone, as in she left?
Piper:
Gone as in she got sucked in to a big red ring by a warlock named what was it?
Piper:
Now she's Martha Stewart.
Piper:
Don't tell me you put on a black conical hat and spent the night flying around the neighborhood on a broomstick?
Father Thomas:
There's nothing you can do. It will find us, and when it does we're all dead.
Piper:
Well, you're just a ray of sunshine now, aren't ya?
Phoebe:
Okay we theme, you potion.
Piper:
Me peeved, you annoying.
Piper:
All right, that's it. Break it up. You go back to your corner and you, you're gonna get ready and we're gonna put lots and lots of makeup on you.
Prue:
[to Darryl] So in the meantime we can just stick together since we are both dateless.
Piper:
He's not dateless, he's married. You're dateless 'cause you're picky.
Piper:
Sabotage, I'm being sabotaged.
Piper:
Uh, Phoebe, you're evil. You're like the queen of all evil, literally.
Piper:
That's what they do, Phoebe, they come back. They snarl and come back.
Leo:
Well, I know from experience Darklighter poison doesn't kill immediately, so there's still a window of opportunity.
Piper:
What, I'm supposed to throw out perfectly good flowers 'cause they came from a creep? If that was the rule, we'd never have flowers in this house.
Caleb:
Hi, I'm Caleb.
[she shakes his hand]
Caleb:
I'm sort of new in town, and I'm looking to meet someone, someone special. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt your phone call to your...
Piper:
Fiancé. Very large, very jealous fiancé.
Piper:
Aww I was such a cute baby.
Leo:
Yea I know.
Piper:
Leo, you're not even looking at the picture.
Leo:
Well I've been watching you you're whole life.
Piper:
Yea ok that's too creepy to think about.
Piper:
So, here's the deal. We'll spare your lives if you pull your skanky little power out of her.
Leo:
Well, what if he makes his move before you get a chance to vanquish him?
Piper:
I'll freeze him.
Leo:
Now you're confident in your powers?
Piper:
Okay, so maybe I'll blow him up.
[They walk into the conservatory]
Leo:
But what if he blows us up first?
Piper:
Well, you're already dead, what's the difference.
Phoebe:
Welcome to our world, dad.
Piper:
Phoebs, friendly little tip. Lay off the hairspray, there's a fire starter in the house.
Piper:
He swears they're not watching but he's a guy, he'll say anything.
Piper:
Oh. You're assuming because I'm not tall, tattooed, or big-breasted that I'm not important. That's a bad assumption because I own this club, which makes me a V.V.V.I.P."
Piper:
Bad Prue. Very bad Prue.
[Prue growls]
Piper:
Hi, Kujo, who you growling at?
Piper:
You stole our sacred book so you could perform magical plastic surgery on yourself?
Piper:
Pheobe, why would you even leave her alone with it?
Phoebe:
Well, because she's our sister.
[Piper Laughs]
Piper:
Not for long.
Piper:
Heads up. Pregnant lady coming through with the groceries.
Piper:
Yeah, but this demon didn't even seem to know who we were, which by the way I find insulting.
Piper:
Don't worry for I hold the power of... one.
Piper:
Ugh. That tastes like ass... phalt.
Phoebe:
It'll be just like the summer by the lake. Remember when we made that blood oath to be friends forever, not just sisters?
Piper:
I remember my finger got infected.
Piper:
It's not that hard. Just try to emulate a man you admire.
Prue:
Okay.
[tries to walk like a guy]
Piper:
The man you admire is Richard Simmons?
Phoebe:
I don't understand. Am I the only person in this family who's inherited the "take a chance" gene?
Piper:
Probably. Cause if I remember my biology correctly, its attached to the "cant mind my own business" gene.
Phoebe:
Sorry, had to grab my broom.
Phoebe:
You came all the way over here for me, I mean we, I mean us?
Prue:
I came, I saw, I was perky.
Piper:
Uh, guys, we have about 20 seconds until they unfreeze.
Phoebe:
How did you find out about us?
Aviva:
I'm gonna need more than 20 seconds for that.
Prue:
Hey, be nice. I don't even want to think about sin tonight.
Phoebe:
Me neither.
Prue:
So, this is an interesting band, what's their name?
Piper:
Orgy.
Prue:
Here's to Leo for saving me from eternal torment.
Piper:
And to me for not trying to be the perfect couple, if it isn't good enough for them, then screw them.
Phoebe:
It's just research for that stupid article Jason made me do.
Piper:
Ah, you said his name without swearing. Does that mean things are going better at work?
Phoebe:
Oh, no. He's still driving me crazy.
Piper:
Didn't he just give you a raise?
Phoebe:
Yeah, but that was just a bribe so I wouldn't quit.
Piper:
Ah, a woman of principles. I admire that.
Piper:
Look, I know I didn't call to confirm, but I was busy creating life, okay?
Paige:
My sweater shrunk.
Piper:
Ah, come on. You've worn tighter things than that.
Prue:
[stirring a potion] I feel like I should be cackling.
[Piper and Leo stand over Wyatt's crib looking down at him]
Piper:
He's so... innocent. If only he had any idea what Mommy and Auntie Paige did today.
Leo:
[to Wyatt] They turned a very bad man to a very big tree.
Tull:
Xavier? Where are you?
Piper:
You're stepping on him.
Paige:
[about Leo] She's blown him up... literally?
Phoebe:
Yeah, but you know Piper, she didn't mean anything by it.
Phoebe:
I think I did something really bad... I slept with my boss.
Piper:
Jason?
Phoebe:
No, Elise! Yes, Jason!
Piper:
Paige. Is everything okay?
Paige:
Better than okay. I'm going to have a love life.
Phoebe:
You're making a love potion?
Paige:
No, I'm making a stun potion.
Piper:
So that lovers will be stunned by you?
Paige:
No, so that Kazis will be stunned by me.
Phoebe:
You're in love with a Kazi demon?
Paige:
Try to stay with me, people.
Phoebe:
You're a monkey. Ooh, you're an angry monkey. Oh, you're pissed. You're- PMS monkey?
Leo:
Being with her broke the rules. Not being with her breaks my heart.
Prue:
Leo you can't just let Piper die.
Leo:
Don't you think I would do something about it if I could?
Prue:
But you love her.
Phoebe:
It's not everyday you find out the person you love isn't human, except in Piper's case.
Phoebe:
Stop hinting around and let him have your crab already.
Piper:
Don't be disgusting.
Piper:
You asked me to marry you, and I did. You wanted a family, and I gave you a son. And now you just want me to watch you walk away?
Leo:
Piper it's not that simple.
Piper:
Then make it simple.
Paige:
We kick evil's ass every day.
Piper:
Sometimes twice a day.
[Prue and Piper just find out Leo is a Whitelighter]
Prue:
What is he again?
Phoebe:
He's a Whitelighter. You know, kinda like Peter Pan and Tinkerbell without the wings and the tutu.
Prue:
Whoa, I haven't felt anything like that since Andy was alive.
Phoebe:
[Prue telekinetically shuts the door on Phoebe] Hey! We've had this discussion. You're not allowed to use your active power on me, until I have an active power to use on you.
[upon meeting Grams for the first time]
Paige:
No offense, but aren't you supposed to be dead?
Grams:
Oh, I'm over that.
[Paige has just been revived after eating Snow White's poison apple]
Paige:
Can someone please tell me how I got in a coffin?
Grams:
You were dead, dear. But bright side, at least now we have something in common.
Dan Gordon:
Don't you have another house to repair?
Leo Wyatt:
No.
Leo Wyatt:
What is that? Is that a time portal? Is that what that is? What are you using it for?
Chris Perry:
I don't have to answer that.
Leo Wyatt:
I thought you said you had nothing to hide.
Chris Perry:
I don't have to answer that either.
Phoebe:
Last night two guys held up a bar and a vigilante killed them.
Paige:
Sounds more like you need an arrest warrant, not a potion.
Phoebe:
Not when the vigilante is tall, dark and handsome and can send people flying with the wave of a hand.
Piper:
Well, that doesn't mean it's Cole.
Phoebe:
Did I forget to mention the scorch marks?
Piper:
See, *that* means it's Cole.
[upon hearing what could happen if Piper and Leo go against the Elders]
Phoebe:
This whole unspeakable rath thing, does that mean just the bride and groom, or the bridesmaids as well?
[to Leo]
Piper:
[smiling] I'll just go make you some more coffee.
Phoebe:
[grinning] And I'll bring it to you.
[while checking out Leo]
Phoebe:
My Santa how you've changed.
[pause]
Phoebe:
Those must be the finest glutes in the entire city.
Piper:
In the entire state.
Phoebe:
In all the land.
Piper:
I saw him first.
Phoebe:
Uh-uh.
Piper:
Uh-huh.
Phoebe:
Uh-uh.
Piper:
Uh-huh.
Phoebe:
Huh?
Piper:
Huh.
Phoebe:
Awh.
[Pheobe to Piper who's still inside the bathroom]
Phoebe:
Piper, are you still in there?
Piper:
[checking the results of her pregnancy test] Just, give me a minute.
Phoebe:
Define a minute.
Piper:
Two.
Phoebe:
[after waiting a second] Piper come on please, look I can not be late today.
Piper:
[to herself] I know the feeling.
Phoebe:
Piper.
[Piper ditches the test and storms out of the bathroom]
Phoebe:
I just want to know, am I in for another cold shower or not?
Piper:
[worried that she may be pregnant] You know Phoebe, there are times in our lives where a cold shower is a good thing.
Leo Wyatt:
I have to get back to the elders
Phoebe:
Well Chris is a whitelighter, can't he do it?
Piper:
Where is he?
Phoebe:
Upstairs with Paige.
Piper:
And the book. Leo, go talk to the Elders, Pheobe keep an eye on our magical houseguests, I'm gonna go see what future boy is up to.
Piper:
What are you doing?
Chris Perry:
What does it look like I'm doing? I'm trying to find a way to free stone cold Paige over there
Piper:
Step away from the book.
Chris Perry:
Oh, please. Like I haven't looked in this thing before? By the way, you should update you're goblins entry. It'll come in handy someday.
Piper:
Goblins?
Chris Perry:
Yeah. It's gonna get ugly. Trust me. Look, I know you have no reason to trust me, but the book thinks I'm good, shouldn't you?
Piper:
Well, maybe you found a way around it.
[Prue, Piper and Phoebe have been outed on national TV and are receiving interview requests up the wazoo]
Piper:
So, what do you think? Should we go with Oprah, or Barbra? Barbra makes you cry. We go with Oprah.
Head Dwarf:
You know, you really ought to get yourself a prince, in case this ever happens again.
Paige:
Uh, who are you?
Head Dwarf:
We'll send you the bill. Let's go, men!
Dwarf:
Come on, guys, let's go.
[Phoebe was just turned into a pumpkin. Adam walks over to the pumpkin and picks it up. He raises it above his head. Cole walks out]
Cole:
Put it down. Gently.
Adam:
I can't. The witch'll kill me.
Cole:
So will I. You don't wanna hurt her. (Adam throws the pumpkin and Cole freezes it. He walks over and picks it up.) Oh, what am I gonna do with you? (He unfreezes Adam and punches him in the face.) Keep your hands off my pumpkin!
Chris:
Where is Paige?
Phoebe:
She's at her new temp job.
Chris:
She's still on that kick?
Piper:
It's not a kick, Chris. It's her quest for happiness outside of magic.
Chris:
Yeah, but it's a temp job. Who finds happiness in a temp job?
Grams:
You and Paige moved out? When?
Phoebe:
Uh, a few weeks ago. But we're handling everything.
Grams:
Dear, you have Paige stuck in the past and a demonic blob roaming the manor. Exactly how are you handling things?
[Green blob is growing rapidly on Chris, trapping him]
Grams:
Oh, you must be Chris, the new whitelighter.
[aside, to Leo]
Grams:
You know, he doesn't look very qualified for the job.
Phoebe:
So, we get to go back there? And we get to meet our grandfather?
Grams:
Don't make too much out of it, because whatever you do, you can't change the past or tell anyone you're from the future.
Phoebe:
[Indicates Chris] Well, why does he get to?
Chris:
Because I know what I'm doing.
Grams:
Not from where I'm standing.
Chris:
In the future, everyone tried to control the demon with no name, but it can't be done.
Grams:
That's hardly a winning attitude, young man. And why, in heaven's name, couldn't the people in the future find some name for that thing?
Piper:
Oh, you know what? She's getting angry. And our powers don't work so good when we're angry.
Mitzy:
We've got them now.
Piper:
Yeah, you've got us now so why don't you blow us up?
Phoebe:
Piper, death bad, life good.
Paige:
Don't worry, this bimbo couldn't hit the broadside of a beauty parlour. Check out that dye job.
[the blonde sisters gasp]
Mabel:
How dare you!
[Mabel blows up the doors]
Piper:
Run!
Phoebe:
I was under a spell. Evil.
Paige:
Evil? You were blonde!
Piper:
Wow, you really know your stuff.
Paige:
Well, I learned from the best. I learned from you.
Piper:
Thank you, Whitney Houston. Do I sock you in the face now?
Phoebe:
Piper, just so you know, I may have to flee the country, but just for a little while. And I will call you, okay.
Piper:
Oh, no you don't, Missy. There will be no fleeing the country until you clean up after yourself.
Phoebe:
No-no-no-no-no, I'm sorry, I can't. I'm possessed.
Piper:
That is not an excuse!
Phoebe:
[to Spencer Ricks] You know what? You're a turkey! And turkeys don't write columns.
[she throws the potion at Spencer and he turns into a turkey]
Phoebe:
But they do make delicious dinners!
[Piper and Leo hear a turkey gobble and look to see Phoebe getting out of her car carrying the turkey]
Phoebe:
A little help here.
Piper:
What are you doing with that thing?
Phoebe:
Well, first I'm gonna kill it and then I'm gonna stuff it.
Piper:
You are not bringing that filthy fowl in the house.
Phoebe:
Yes, I am. Thanksgiving's early this year.
Phoebe:
We're not demon hunting. We're going to lunch.
Chris:
Hey. I am not unreasonable. You can hunt demons after lunch.
Chris:
I was just wondering how it went with the doctor.
Piper:
Well, you'll be happy to know that you're a boy.
[holds up ultrasound picture]
Chris:
That's not what I meant.
Paige:
[looking at picture] I don't see it.
Piper:
Oh, see, it's this little thing right here...
[points]
Chris:
Whoa!
[grabs ultrasound]
Chris:
Excuse me! Do you mind?
Prue:
All right, wait, uh, who do you think we are?
Eva:
The most powerful witches of all time, of course.
Phoebe:
Okay, lucky guess.
Leo:
What are you doing?
Piper:
I'm replacing the roof. It was just too dirty.
Paige:
Oh my goodness. I tongued a student.
Piper:
See what I mean? We have bigger, naked breasts to worry about.
Phoebe:
Paige has her naked breasts to worry about and I've got yours.
Prue:
Cop, witch. It's not a love connection.
Phoebe:
Boy, girl. Lighten up.
Phoebe:
Are you making spaghetti sauce?
Piper:
No, that's demon blood.
Paige:
Stop yelling at death!
Kazi King:
How will we know if it worked?
The Crone:
Common sense.
Kazi King:
[obviously enraged] Dare you mock me, Crone?
The Crone:
On occasion.
Piper:
Oh, no! Am I dead again?
Phoebe:
The wrong thing done for the right reason is still the wrong thing.
Phoebe:
[referring to Zankou who now has the Book of Shadows] What do you think he wants?
Paige:
[laughs] Our heads on a platter.
Arnold Halliwell:
[as Matthew, a 17th century warlock is strangling him telekinetically] I'll... sue... you!
Matthew Tate:
[kills him] Lawyers... have *not* changed.
Piper:
Wasn't there a confidence spell in the book?
Phoebe:
Yeah, remember we cast it on that waiter at Quake?
Piper:
Wow. Quake. That was a long time ago.
Paige:
They're dicks.
Kyle Brody:
[chuckles] Dicks.
Paige:
No, like private eyes. Detectives. Don't you see? They wrote themselves in as the heroes of their own books. Like Sam Spade or Philip Marlowe.
Piper:
What's that?
Leo:
That's our little boy.
Piper:
What are we gonna do?
Leo:
What we always do.
Piper:
Talk about it later.
Phoebe:
[to Leo] If that is some kind of whitelighter humor, let me be the first to tell you, you are not a very funny race of people.
Collector #1:
[after being frozen by Piper and beaten up by Phoebe] Eric will be harder to get, now... he's being protected by a time-freezing witch.
Collector #2:
And Bruce Lee's little sister.
Leo:
Dammit!
Paige:
Are Elders even allowed to swear?
Leo:
No, but fathers are.
Strife:
[two of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse are fighting] Yeah, right, kill them all, that's your solution for everything.
Death:
You want a fight?
Strife:
[smiles] It's my specialty.
Young Prue:
[Young Prue and Young Piper are fighting over a doll] That's my doll!
Young Piper:
You gave it to me!
Young Prue:
No, I didn't, you stole it!
Prue:
[whispering to Piper] That's true, you did steal it!
Piper:
[whispering to Prue] I did not!
Prue:
[whispering to Piper] Yes, you did!
Piper:
How can you be so evil?
Cole:
It's a gift.
Cole:
[to Phoebe] We're hardly typical. I proposed to you under a hail of demon goo, and you accepted while I was bleeding to death.
Phoebe:
I'm so glad you made it back before my graduation.
Cole:
I wouldn't miss it for the world. Or the underworld.
Prue:
Where's Piper?
Leo:
Upstairs, recovering from what happened at the office.
Prue:
Why? What happened?
Leo:
She... sort of... blew some of it up.
Cole:
[knocking is heard, and Cole appears in the manor; Phoebe gives him a look] What? I... I knocked.
Phoebe:
[about Cole] He's soul-searching... or off searching for a soul.
Bacarra:
I'm Bacarra, I've come here from the future.
Cole:
...Well, I can't say I've heard that before.
Piper:
Are you going to help or are you just going to ramble?
Paige:
I'm just going to ramble!
Tracer Demon:
[after seeing that Phoebe has stabbed her nightmare creature, and thereby also hurt herself] Would Freud have a field day with this or what?
Jason Dean:
[inviting Phoebe to dinner] Do you like Chinese?
[Phoebe pauses for a second]
Jason Dean:
Food, not people.
Piper:
I think I know how to find the demon...
[a stranger gives her a look]
Piper:
-stration. Demonstration.
[indicates Paige]
Piper:
She knows what I'm talking about.
Leo Wyatt:
[to Wyatt, right after Grams has left the room] Now you know why we don't summon her more often.
Piper:
Paige! There will be no talk of testicle-orbing in front of the baby!
Leo:
Or his father.
Paige:
[after getting stuck on the wall by a spider-demon] Bug spray. We should've used bug spray.
Paige:
Call me butter, 'cause I'm on a roll.
[about Kyle, the chosen one to defeat Tuatha]
Piper:
But look at him! At his age he should be battling acne! Not evil witches!
Drake Robin:
The point is, Leo and Piper's love, it's epic, it's massive. It's Romeo and Juliet, Anthony and Cleopatra, Brad and Jennifer.
Paige:
All tragedies, I might add.
Angel of Destiny:
We Angels of Destiny only intervene in extreme circumstances.
Angel of Destiny:
[slightly excited] Mozart age 7, Michelangelo, Albert Einstein
Angel of Destiny:
[Disappointed] ... Britney Spears
Referenced in
The Women of Charmed (2000) (TV)
Shriek If You Know What I Did Last Friday the Thirteenth (2000) (V)
50 Years of NBC Late Night (2001) (TV)
Big Fat Liar (2002)
Charmed: Behind the Magic (2003) (TV)
- Docementary about charmed
101 Biggest Celebrity Oops (2004) (TV)
- Shannen Doherty booted from Beverly Hills, 90210 and Charmed
"Smallville: Spell (#4.8)" (2004)
- Lana is turned into a witch along with Chloe and Lois and hang out in a groupe like the Charmed ones
Featured in
The Women of Charmed (2000) (TV)
Charmed: Behind the Magic (2003) (TV)
- Documentary about Charmed
Charmed: Life's a Witch (2005) (TV)
- This is a behind the scenes documentary of the tv show Charmed.